The Walk of Healing: For the One Whose Past has a Say So
Dear Reader,
I hope this finds you well. My ultimate goal for this blog is to help you on your journey to finding internal healing from your past; for you to forgive yourself for all that has happened to you, whether it be at your own hands or the hands of others.
First, I want to tell you that it's okay. I know it is okay because you are able to read this. You may have once thought that you wouldn't make it to see this day, but here you are. Here we are. I say we because I am here to support you on your journey to healing.
I, for one, am an overcomer of life. I have been through more than someone my age has ever been through beginning at the age of four. For a better understanding of who I am, and why I want to help you on this journey, I will take this moment to be slightly vulnerable with you.
At the age of four, I stood in a gas station and watched my mom cry from staring at my dad from afar; she cried because she saw him holding another woman the way he once held her. In the ladder days of my fourth year of life, my parents got a divorce, and for seven months after, my dad was gone. He abandoned the family that he had asked God for. My mom would remind me of his abandonment for the years to come; however, I still loved my dad in spite of everything that he had done to our family.
At the age of nine, I watched as my grandmother took her last breath on Thanksgiving night. No goodbye. No warning. No direction for me to leave her room. She just left me in that very moment. The worst part, she had given my sister and cousins instructions to do things outside of her room or inside her room, but with their back facing her... Not me.
At the age of xx, I had learned the consequences of being vulnerable and allowing your love to be taken advantage of... It was then I became a cold person that hardly anybody wanted to be around.
At the age of 16, a little over a month after my sweet sixteen and first dance with my father, he suffered a stroke on Christmas Eve. He passed away three days later on December 27th. I wondered, "How do you leave the girl who loved you most, despite all that you have done to her, when she needed you most?"
The biggest fight following all of this (and more) was my fight with God. I felt as if He didn't exist anymore, and if He did, He surely proved He hated me and had no problem abandoning me.
And that became my issue, I started to abandon people with no regard. As soon as relationships and friendships started to be less than I expected them to be, I would leave.
Don't get me wrong, I still loved and cared for those people, and to this day, I still regret some of the relationships I abandoned. I often left without even giving those who loved me an explanation of why I was leaving them. I did it because it felt right for me. I was protecting my heart. I was tired of being left and was scared they would do just that. I had to save myself (at least that is what I thought I was doing). I was the girl who went through relationships standing at the exit sign with one hand on the door knob scared and anticipating the day someone would try to leave me again.
However, I am who I am today because of that. I am a recovering leaver. I am learning how to love full heartedly. I am learning to trust people and give them a chance to show me why God placed them in my life, whether temporarily or for a life-time. I am learning how to be a woman who stays without fear of someone leaving (do not ever let fear have the final say).
So here we are... you know me a little more about me than you did a few minutes ago. Here our walk towards healing begins, our because you are not alone. Healing doesn't ever really end as you don't forget your past. However, you do overcome submitting to the darkness that it brings. But there are steps to get there.
1. Let go of the pain your past has birthed and begin to live. You cannot let your past determine your future or you will be in darkness forever. There will be heartbreaks (plenty of them). There will be mistakes (learn from them). You will go through things you won't be prepared for, but you have to keep going.
2. Keep your eyes set on God. Yes I, the one who once had little faith, said it. He is the main man on the battlefield and through Him we can conquer all things. Through Him our name becomes Victorious. Be confident in Him. Be confident in You.
3. Don't let the opinions of others shape who you are and how you feel. You will waste your breath trying to explain to others why you are the way you are. If they cannot love you inspire of it all and choose to leave, understand that is okay. People leave. They did not go through what you went through, and if they did, it wasn't the same experience. They didn't bare your cross or the Cross at all. [Remember, some people are seasonal; everybody cannot cope with your greatness]
4. Understand this journey is yours and yours alone. Do this for you and nobody else. This is for your peace. Your happiness. Your freedom.
5. Keep going. Keep pressing. Keep believing.
It will all work out for your good one of these days, and I am here for it all. Save yourself the trouble, time and anxiety you will face by continuously basking in all that has happened to you. Allow God to do His work by doing yours. Be vulnerable with Him. Get out of His way. Allow Him to heal you deep within and you keep going on this journey we call life.
As a fellow sister and overcomer, I pray you take my hand and walk this journey with me.
My love and good graces to you,
Brittany K.W.
I hope this finds you well. My ultimate goal for this blog is to help you on your journey to finding internal healing from your past; for you to forgive yourself for all that has happened to you, whether it be at your own hands or the hands of others.
First, I want to tell you that it's okay. I know it is okay because you are able to read this. You may have once thought that you wouldn't make it to see this day, but here you are. Here we are. I say we because I am here to support you on your journey to healing.
I, for one, am an overcomer of life. I have been through more than someone my age has ever been through beginning at the age of four. For a better understanding of who I am, and why I want to help you on this journey, I will take this moment to be slightly vulnerable with you.
At the age of four, I stood in a gas station and watched my mom cry from staring at my dad from afar; she cried because she saw him holding another woman the way he once held her. In the ladder days of my fourth year of life, my parents got a divorce, and for seven months after, my dad was gone. He abandoned the family that he had asked God for. My mom would remind me of his abandonment for the years to come; however, I still loved my dad in spite of everything that he had done to our family.
At the age of nine, I watched as my grandmother took her last breath on Thanksgiving night. No goodbye. No warning. No direction for me to leave her room. She just left me in that very moment. The worst part, she had given my sister and cousins instructions to do things outside of her room or inside her room, but with their back facing her... Not me.
At the age of xx, I had learned the consequences of being vulnerable and allowing your love to be taken advantage of... It was then I became a cold person that hardly anybody wanted to be around.
At the age of 16, a little over a month after my sweet sixteen and first dance with my father, he suffered a stroke on Christmas Eve. He passed away three days later on December 27th. I wondered, "How do you leave the girl who loved you most, despite all that you have done to her, when she needed you most?"
The biggest fight following all of this (and more) was my fight with God. I felt as if He didn't exist anymore, and if He did, He surely proved He hated me and had no problem abandoning me.
And that became my issue, I started to abandon people with no regard. As soon as relationships and friendships started to be less than I expected them to be, I would leave.
Don't get me wrong, I still loved and cared for those people, and to this day, I still regret some of the relationships I abandoned. I often left without even giving those who loved me an explanation of why I was leaving them. I did it because it felt right for me. I was protecting my heart. I was tired of being left and was scared they would do just that. I had to save myself (at least that is what I thought I was doing). I was the girl who went through relationships standing at the exit sign with one hand on the door knob scared and anticipating the day someone would try to leave me again.
However, I am who I am today because of that. I am a recovering leaver. I am learning how to love full heartedly. I am learning to trust people and give them a chance to show me why God placed them in my life, whether temporarily or for a life-time. I am learning how to be a woman who stays without fear of someone leaving (do not ever let fear have the final say).
So here we are... you know me a little more about me than you did a few minutes ago. Here our walk towards healing begins, our because you are not alone. Healing doesn't ever really end as you don't forget your past. However, you do overcome submitting to the darkness that it brings. But there are steps to get there.
1. Let go of the pain your past has birthed and begin to live. You cannot let your past determine your future or you will be in darkness forever. There will be heartbreaks (plenty of them). There will be mistakes (learn from them). You will go through things you won't be prepared for, but you have to keep going.
2. Keep your eyes set on God. Yes I, the one who once had little faith, said it. He is the main man on the battlefield and through Him we can conquer all things. Through Him our name becomes Victorious. Be confident in Him. Be confident in You.
3. Don't let the opinions of others shape who you are and how you feel. You will waste your breath trying to explain to others why you are the way you are. If they cannot love you inspire of it all and choose to leave, understand that is okay. People leave. They did not go through what you went through, and if they did, it wasn't the same experience. They didn't bare your cross or the Cross at all. [Remember, some people are seasonal; everybody cannot cope with your greatness]
4. Understand this journey is yours and yours alone. Do this for you and nobody else. This is for your peace. Your happiness. Your freedom.
5. Keep going. Keep pressing. Keep believing.
It will all work out for your good one of these days, and I am here for it all. Save yourself the trouble, time and anxiety you will face by continuously basking in all that has happened to you. Allow God to do His work by doing yours. Be vulnerable with Him. Get out of His way. Allow Him to heal you deep within and you keep going on this journey we call life.
As a fellow sister and overcomer, I pray you take my hand and walk this journey with me.
My love and good graces to you,
Brittany K.W.
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