The Importance of the Distance
Dear Wo(man),
First, I want to address the length of time it has been since my last blog. Some have asked why I stopped writing. Some have spoke to me about their admiration of my blog.
I stopped writing because I was so wrapped up in trying to save women like me and addressing the issues that we as women face; however, I stopped applying what I was writing to me. When I wrote those blogs and poems, I was home and in my garden of serenity and self-wholeness.
Since then, I have returned back to Maryland/D.C., for school; it is here where I face my strongest demons. It is here that I often find myself stepping left of God and my faith and struggling to look at the woman staring back at me in the mirror. It is here that I realize the importance of distance.
Now, for most people distance is a negative. People don't like to be away from their comfort zone. They don't like to be away from the one they love, like .... want.
But distance is necessary. Distance forces you to go without and identify what you have within that will suffice. Distance allows you to prioritize. Distance allows you to spend time with God, in the light and in the darkness.
I'll use my circumstance for example: moment of vulnerability.
For the past year, I have been chasing after something I have no business pursuing. I have sacrificed myself for something that doesn't belong to me. I have gone against God's will; I have done things I never thought I would do all for the satisfaction of my flesh. I found myself loving the idea of something that would never love me back.
Summer came. The long-late summer nights, the empty inbox, the unheard calls. It was then that I realized, my physical nature was all that was yearned for. Not my soul. Not my emotions. Not my mentality. Just my physical nature.
It was then that the (empty) distance forced me to understand what I was doing and why it was that I was doing it wrong. I wasn't spending time loving me. I wasn't investing in my faith. I had too much pride to pray when I sinned. HOW THE HELL DO WE HAVE PRIDE WITH GOD WHEN HE ALREADY KNOWS WHAT WE WERE GOING TO DO BEFORE WE EVEN DO IT?
So I made a quest to get it right over the summer. I prayed. I read my bible. I loved on me. I abstained from things that weren't meant for me. I spoke against my demons. I started fighting the devil with God instead of fighting God to please my devils.
And now I am back here, in the proximity of where I started, where "two" is the loneliest number and I find myself pleading to God for my pursuit (of doing it wrong) to work out for me. For the subject to take a chance on me.... Me pleaing to God to allow my pursuit to work out for me, but I have stopped pursuing Him. I have found myself allowing my soul to be called on in times of convenience. I am back where I was before summer and my heart is uncomfortable. My soul is dying to be freed from the prison I have entered for the second time.
I don't feel the love for myself like I did when I was at a distance. I am not praying like I did when I was at a distance. I haven't loved on God like I did when I was at a distance.
This is an example of why the distance matters; it gives you the opportunity to compare your life with something and without it. How some things change you and your priorities. It reveals the pains of doing it wrong (outside of God's will) for something you love/lust after.
So the next time you dread an upcoming period of distance, just think of what the benefits it my offer you. You may find yourself. You may realize that you have given up so much for one thing. You may realize that you have stopped loving the only one who can ever truly love you, for you (impurities and all), to love something or someone that will never love you or steer you right.
I hope you prosper in your distance.
Love & enlightenment to you.
- Brittany K. W.
First, I want to address the length of time it has been since my last blog. Some have asked why I stopped writing. Some have spoke to me about their admiration of my blog.
I stopped writing because I was so wrapped up in trying to save women like me and addressing the issues that we as women face; however, I stopped applying what I was writing to me. When I wrote those blogs and poems, I was home and in my garden of serenity and self-wholeness.
Since then, I have returned back to Maryland/D.C., for school; it is here where I face my strongest demons. It is here that I often find myself stepping left of God and my faith and struggling to look at the woman staring back at me in the mirror. It is here that I realize the importance of distance.
Now, for most people distance is a negative. People don't like to be away from their comfort zone. They don't like to be away from the one they love, like .... want.
But distance is necessary. Distance forces you to go without and identify what you have within that will suffice. Distance allows you to prioritize. Distance allows you to spend time with God, in the light and in the darkness.
I'll use my circumstance for example: moment of vulnerability.
For the past year, I have been chasing after something I have no business pursuing. I have sacrificed myself for something that doesn't belong to me. I have gone against God's will; I have done things I never thought I would do all for the satisfaction of my flesh. I found myself loving the idea of something that would never love me back.
Summer came. The long-late summer nights, the empty inbox, the unheard calls. It was then that I realized, my physical nature was all that was yearned for. Not my soul. Not my emotions. Not my mentality. Just my physical nature.
It was then that the (empty) distance forced me to understand what I was doing and why it was that I was doing it wrong. I wasn't spending time loving me. I wasn't investing in my faith. I had too much pride to pray when I sinned. HOW THE HELL DO WE HAVE PRIDE WITH GOD WHEN HE ALREADY KNOWS WHAT WE WERE GOING TO DO BEFORE WE EVEN DO IT?
So I made a quest to get it right over the summer. I prayed. I read my bible. I loved on me. I abstained from things that weren't meant for me. I spoke against my demons. I started fighting the devil with God instead of fighting God to please my devils.
And now I am back here, in the proximity of where I started, where "two" is the loneliest number and I find myself pleading to God for my pursuit (of doing it wrong) to work out for me. For the subject to take a chance on me.... Me pleaing to God to allow my pursuit to work out for me, but I have stopped pursuing Him. I have found myself allowing my soul to be called on in times of convenience. I am back where I was before summer and my heart is uncomfortable. My soul is dying to be freed from the prison I have entered for the second time.
I don't feel the love for myself like I did when I was at a distance. I am not praying like I did when I was at a distance. I haven't loved on God like I did when I was at a distance.
This is an example of why the distance matters; it gives you the opportunity to compare your life with something and without it. How some things change you and your priorities. It reveals the pains of doing it wrong (outside of God's will) for something you love/lust after.
So the next time you dread an upcoming period of distance, just think of what the benefits it my offer you. You may find yourself. You may realize that you have given up so much for one thing. You may realize that you have stopped loving the only one who can ever truly love you, for you (impurities and all), to love something or someone that will never love you or steer you right.
I hope you prosper in your distance.
Love & enlightenment to you.
- Brittany K. W.
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